Movie Reviews from a Plane

When I visited Jenny in October I had no choice which movies to watch. Like the traditional format, there were a few screens around the airplane that would continually play movies or random episodes of serialized dramas just in case you wanted to randomly watch episode 4 of The Flash. It was not that great watching Fast and Furious 7 three times especially since I had to cry each time at dead CGI Paul Walker.

CGI Rock is also worth crying about because it's so bad.
CGI Rock is also worth crying about because it’s so bad.

My most recent trip there was a screen at each seat. There was a selection of free movies too which included probably 80 different titles and I’m not exaggerating. The only thing I ever exaggerate about is my mile long penis.

Here’s a brief review of everything I remember watching on my 40 hours on a plane which is not an exaggeration; the Philippines is REALLY far!

Edge of Tomorrow

Fun movie that got a little boring as it went along. Tom Cruise is tiny. Other than his smile I’m not sure what women see in him other than nostalgia or a reminder of their coin purse. I fell asleep during a part of this.

Gone Girl

Great movie and I stayed awake for the whole thing. Jenny thinks the ending was a comedy because Doogie Houser gets his throat slit during sex.

This is the face you make when you just read a spoiler.
This is the face you make when you just read a spoiler.

Home Alone

I’ve seen it a million times and only put it on to sleep to the soundtrack. It worked and my body was unconscious by the time John Heard didn’t hear Kevin.

Big Hero 6

I barely remember this because I fell asleep right when the film was getting really dark and people died. Then I woke up and there are superheroes.

Fury

Kind of boring for a war movie. The acting was really good, but Shane from The Walking Dead was gross and had peanut butter stuck inside his mouth. I only saw the first third and maybe the last third too.

Spy

The movie was pretty funny until I fell asleep about 20 minutes in. I have no clue what happened.

That's not an appropriately sized vehicle for a woman her size!
That’s not an appropriately sized vehicle for a woman of her build!

Get Hard

Exactly what I expected. Typical Will Ferrell movie with a lot more F bombs. Kevin Hart also makes short jokes about himself.

Chappie

Once you get over the South African accents it’s a unique film. I only dozed off briefly during this movie about a robot cop not named RoboCop.

We’re the Millers

I must have fallen asleep several times during this one. It’s a great simple movie to sleep during. I enjoyed the parts I didn’t have to piece together.

Jurassic World

Along with Gone Girl this was one of my favorites on the plane trip. I stayed awake the whole time. I blame Chris Pratt’s annoying fake voice. Who can sleep to that?

Basically a backhand to Sea World's nutsack.
Basically a backhand to Sea World’s nutsack.

Star Wars: The New One

I liked it and thought it was a good return…not necessarily of any Jedi. I was awake for the full film too yet have no recollection of how the bad guy got away. I think I was eating then.

There may have been more movies. But honestly, we all know the review is favorable and I slept during a part of each.

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