I Started a Diet, It Lasted Literally One Day

On February 15th I started a diet. On February 16th I broke it.

I was doing so well, too! I made an Excel file and everything to track my food intake to ensure I wasn’t behaving like too much of a pig. I added in formulas where all I’d have to do was plug in the names of the food, the macronutrients, and it would calculate the rest. What happened?

Stress happened. I stress eat a lot. I eat out of boredom. I eat because I need to escape for a few minutes and keeping my mouth busy is the best way to accomplish this.

This is not the face of a man stress eating. This is the face of a man who wanted to stress eat, but has no food available.
This is not the face of a man stress eating. This is the face of a man who wanted to stress eat, but has no food available.

There are two primary places I break my diet. I do it at work or late at night. These are also the two times I feel the most blue. At work I get overly stressed or anxious and the only way to feel something pleasurable is to grab something from the vending machine. It’s hard to remember a time when I actually used to go the full day without eating anything at work. Now, after I almost fainted on the train one day about a year and a half ago, eating is one of the first things I do when I arrive.

I blame lots of walking for this. I walk a total of two miles each morning on my way to work and I stand on the train for another 30 minutes. For an hour and a half I’m on my feet without an opportunity to sit anywhere. As I get older and my metabolism slows down, this will continue to be a problem until I have to carry a thermose of prune juice with me everywhere.

My late night diet-breaking habits are pretty common. Last Sunday, oh I’m almost embarrassed to admit what a god awful pig I was, after working out I decided I was so hungry I’d get Chinese food. When I get Chinese food I don’t hold back either. I get an appetizer meant for at least three along with a big batch of gooey meat. I really don’t know what is so appealing about Chinese food because most of it looks like a dead animal that came out of something’s nose.

Everything looks so wet and yummy.
Everything looks so wet and yummy.

After placing my order, I headed out about 10 minutes later assuming it would take 15 minutes. It wasn’t ready yet so I stopped at another store and got three Cadbury Eggs. I ate two of them while waiting for my food to finish then ate the last when I got back home.

Who does that? What kind of a glutton like this deserves to live?

It’s a mix of my love of food and impatience, see. I wanted my food and I wanted it now!

Jenny and I will attempt to diet starting a few hours ago. I’ve somewhat half-assed it so far today and have probably come close to reaching my caloric allotment for the day. With beecation about 50 days away and life as stressful as ever for us both, Jenny and I have accepted we may need to buy two plane tickets in order to properly fit in our seats.

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6 thoughts on “I Started a Diet, It Lasted Literally One Day

  1. I totally see where you’re coming from. Food is my weak point, haha. 😛 Have you tried gum as an alternative to snacks? It won’t really satiate your hunger, but it will keep your mouth busy! Water is also supposed to be a good alternative for when you’re hungry but don’t want to eat (I’m not sure how well that works out though). Good luck! 🙂 – C

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    1. Oh yes gum and I are very close friends. At times I become a pack-a-day person. It’s tough at work because I have to talk to quite a lot of people. I’m going to try to see if I can go sans gum before resorting back to it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Man oh man I have been there.

    Your diet with all the excel sheets seems like a terrible punishment!! Surely you don’t deserve it. It doesn’t have to be so awful!!

    I was trapped in this cycle for so long. Two of my friends and I started our blog for this exact reason. After so many years, we were finally able to lose weight. I lost about 60 pounds, the other two lost 100.

    I don’t do any diet, I just focus on whole foods. I cut out processed foods as much as possible, and try to fill up on veg. But I still love processed foods and eat them occasionally.

    Also. Fuck cadbury creme eggs, and especially the caramel ones. I love them so much. I do eat them from time to time.

    My personal feeling is the best thing to do is start by adding more veg, and also keeping processed food out of the house.

    You should stop by my blog, you might find some of the posts helpful. http://Www.fatgirlsfitness.com

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    1. Thanks for the advice! I’m also pretty cheap very cheap and a terrible cook so with vegetables I’m stuck with raw stuff. Congrats on the weightloss! You definitely seem to have knowledge most people wish they did.

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