Asian Medicine Doesn’t Realize White People are Hairy

Jenny made a comment a few weeks ago about the state of the hair on my body. It was one of those statements someone makes where it was completely innocent yet if said the wrong way to a sensitive person on the day of their period it could have come across as an insult. I wasn’t too offended by it because I know I’m hairier than most Asian countries combined. I forget exactly what Jenny said, but it was something that foreshadowed a recent painful experience.

Me, basically, except I have no musical talent.
Me, basically, except I have no musical talent.

On my birthday Jenny got me a blue bag with a blue box inside. Inside the box were 28 different envelopes which were filled with gifts, either to please my stomach or emotions when I was feeling blue. I don’t think the color of the bag or box had anything to do with feeling the blues however knowing how considerate Jenny is she may have had it planned all along.

I’ve opened a few of the envelopes in the last couple of months. Ones like “open this when you want a quick snack” didn’t make it out of the airport. Others, like “open this when you feel like Jenny Bee doesn’t love you” have remained closed and forever will.

Inside one envelope were some lozenges Jenny got me to help with sore throats. I blasted through those over the last few weeks during cold season. Somehow, even with my immune system taking a vacation, I managed to fight off a full-blown cold thanks to Jenny preparing me in advance. Another gift which I completely neglected to remember having until Jenny brought it up Friday night contained patches for sore muscles. I have plenty of that (soreness, not muscles) so before bed I put one of the patches on my lower back. My plan was to test it out there then maybe the next day use another on my knee, calf, or anywhere else that often aches.

The menthol smell of these patches got me excited when I cracked them open. They don’t put menthol in things unless they work. So I was excited when I could feel it already beginning to ease some soreness. The pain remained, but ceased for a bit.

Then I experienced a new pain when it was time to remove the patch hours later. Created in Japan, these patches did not take into account how hairy white people like me can get. A few hairs were ripped off along with the patch surely leaving a freshly mowed area on my back right above my hip. I’ve never had any part of my body waxed before and having an adhesive patch ripped from my flesh was the closest I have come to a bikini wax.

Now let’s consider one important fact here. I have very hairy legs. Had I put the patch there in my first attempt at trying these out I would be looking at a bare rectangle on my leg at this moment. Thankfully, my achy back seemed like the proper place to test this out.

In typical Jenny fashion, when she learned of this she got her biggest laugh of the day.

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